When you write a blog you’re dependent on everyone’s feedback and comments to help you know whether or not they liked what you wrote. It’s often the case that few people will leave a comment – blog statistics show that 1% or less of readers do so. That’s why it’s been so surprising how many of you have written me – both here and on LinkedIn – and I’m thankful and appreciative for all the positive feedback! But it’s also been eye opening to read your views on how being an introvert has impacted your life, how difficult it is to network and how you often feel excluded or ignored.
Introverts often dislike small talk so networking or being in the social scene can be uncomfortable, even painfully difficult. Not all introverts struggle in this way – and just because you are an introvert doesn’t mean you can’t find effective ways to deal with it – and I’ve been and will continue to provide helpful tips to assist you.
But there’s something else going on – as I’m interacting with more and more introverts (and being one myself) I’m finding that some of you who call yourselves introverts are really dealing with being shy, possibly even timid. Why does that matter? Because being an introvert doesn’t mean you are shy – they are two completely different issues. Introversion and extroversion define where we get our energy. Shyness and timidity are about how we deal with people in both personal and social settings. As Wikipedia states:
Shyness is a social psychology term used to describe the feeling of apprehension, lack of confidence, or awkwardness experienced when a person is in proximity to, approaching, or being approached by other people, especially in new situations or with unfamiliar people. Shyness may come from genetic traits, the environment in which a person is raised, or a combination of both. Some people with shyness have social anxiety problems or social phobia.
So it’s possible to be shy but not an introvert. In fact it’s even possible to be a shy extrovert – you get your energy from going out and being with people but feel apprehensive when you are in social settings.
And there are other possibilities. Some people have a social phobia – being around people is uncomfortable (for some even frightening) so they tend to avoid interaction. Some might be socially awkward and struggle to fit in so it’s just easier to avoid social settings. Then there are more extreme cases involving what’s known as social anxiety disorder. Finally, some people are angry…. unresolved life issues have left scars and these individuals choose to push others away – through attitude or demeanor and often in frustrated, angry or sometimes even hostile ways. it’s a flashing neon sign visible to everyone but the angry person.
So maybe you are an introvert…..or maybe not. If you hate going out because you might say or do something wrong – you may not be an introvert. If being in groups makes you feel panicky – you may not be an introvert. If you are angry and frustrated with your life because you find it impossibly difficult to socialize – you may not be an introvert. It may be time for a little self reflection. Maybe it’s time to ask your family or friends you trust how you come across to others when they are with you. Are you using the introvert label but there are deeper issues that need to be dealt with? Maybe it’s time for a little soul searching and a willingness to deal with what you find down there.
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